Struggles and Dishes

There are so many struggles in life. I got up this morning knowing that I've already committed to go to the gym every day this week. Zelda is already scheduled for child care so all I have to do it get us there.

Then the battle begins inside my head. I try to justify that I could just do something at home, there's so many things that need to be done at home (dishes, laundry, cleaning bathrooms), my feet hurt (I still need to write a whole post about my feet situation).

Well, I changed my clothes, put our shoes on, grabbed a protein shake, and left the kitchen to be dealt with later. In the moment it's empowering to be able to leave that mess behind and know that what I'm about to do is more important then any sink full of dishes.

So I go and Zelda has a great time in child care. I ride 5.3 miles on the bike. My right foot goes numb along with my bum, but I did it. That was the most important 1 hr of my day that I spent with myself, doing something for myself to better myself.

Then the battle begins again when I get home. I jump in the shower (because I haven't had one in 2.5 days), and my mind goes crazy about wanting to give up and eat whatever I want. I start justifying everything again. I like my body the way it is (but do I really), it's not about losing weight (it's not, really?), I can eat those carbs if I want to (I did go to the gym). And it goes on and on. I decided to take a step back and think about why I'm committed to get healthy in the first place.

1. I want my dreams to become realty.
2. I want to compete in a triathalon.
3. I want my children to know that it's important to take care of their body. I haven't been a very good example of that, but I'm trying to change.
4. I want to be comfortable in my clothes, specifically jeans.
5. I want to run and play with Zelda as she grows. When she's a teenager I want to be able to exercise or go on a long bike ride with her (I'll be in my 50's when she's a teenager)
6. I want to stop taking blood pressure meds and anxiety meds.
7. I want to have energy to do anything I want throughout my day.
8. I want to be strong mentally, physically and spiritually.
9. I want to be the person I see in my mind's eye and make her a reality.
10. I want to be happy.

I could probably list more, but 10 is good for now. Also, those dishes are still waiting and they don't wash themselves.