Struggling

My whole life I have been struggling with my weight. Even though it is constantly on my mind I have a hard time doing anything about it. I've tried just about every diet you can think of. About 1 1/2 years ago Spencer and I started the South Beach Diet and were really serious about it for almost 8 months. When we moved to SLC I started walking every morning for an hour and that helped me to keep on track with my eating habits.

Then the holidays came along and it got cold outside and I didn't want to get out of bed at 6am to go get in my cold car and drive to the local mall to walk. My friend that I was walking with got pregnant and the morning sickness started and that didn't help us to want to keep walking. Then the cookies and ice cream started creeping back into my diet and then all of a sudden it was like I was out of control. I ordered 4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies to help support my niece and I've eaten just about all 4 boxes myself until I finally threw them away this morning. Now I'm craving them so badly that I have to keep telling myself every several minutes that I don't need any chocolate or candy. Instead I decided to make some Crystal Light to drink. So far it is working.

What am I going to do? How am I going to get out of this phase that I'm in. It is constantly on my mind but I don't do anything about it.

When I feel like this other things in my life start to go down hill also. My house, according to me, is a wreck. When things aren't in the right place my house always seems like it's a mess and I feel like I just can't keep it organized. That makes me go crazy. Then because I'm down about that I don't even know where to start to fix the problem because it is too overwhelming. In reality it isn't that big of a deal.

So I started this blog to help me stay focused and for a way to be accountable for the things that I do or don't do. I need some serious help. This is something that I can't do on my own. I have no will power to just walk away and ignore the cravings that I have. I have the time to exercise but I just don't take advantage of it.

My knees have started to ache every single day and I know it is because I've been overweight my whole life. I'm only 28 yrs. old and my knees feel like they are 50. I don't want to have serious health problems before my children are even out of H.S. I want to be able to run and play with my children. I want to be able to get up and down off the floor without my knees hurting so bad that I have to pause for a moment. I want to be comfortable with who I am and the way I look. I want to be the person on the outside that I feel like I am on the inside. I deserve to have that in my life.

I know that I can do this. It's going to take time. Every week I'm going to set new goals. Every day I'm going to set little goals.